You’ll have a stable job, your own place, a thriving social life, and plenty of opportunities ahead of you. All you have to do is get a degree in STEM, go to a four-year college, get an internship before graduating, and you’re set! Don’t forget to burn yourself out with a few extracurricular activities to boost your resumé as well! Social media and TV show us that it won’t be perfect, but the ultimate post-grad life will unfold within the set time frame society has unspokenly agreed upon. If you don’t meet those expectations, you’ll be the character living the ultimate loser life: suddenly you’re jobless, friendless, and living with your parents while your degree wastes away. Exaggerated? Definitely, but it’s where my mind started going.

It doesn’t take an economist to tell you that the U.S. economy is crumbling. It is hard to get a job, from multiple rounds of interviews to being told you’re under- or overqualified. There’s no winning, and with high costs of living, it’s even more difficult to build the media-projected independent life of success. Let’s also not forget that when you earn your degree, you expect to use it, but most graduates end up with a job that doesn’t relate to their field of study. Unfortunately, social media sets us up to be naive to the reality we are walking into. Are you going down the right path? Did you do enough? 

I went to community college, which was met with constant questioning and scrutiny. Expectations one and two were not met. I was supposed to attend a four-year college, live on campus, and get my bachelor’s degree. So, imagine after graduating, and I didn’t meet the adult milestones of getting my first ‘big girl’ job or an apartment. Society has now deemed me behind and a failure. To make matters worse, it’s been two years since I graduated, and I still have no job, which means no apartment to call my own.

I failed again after that. I still rely on my parents for housing and financial support. I kept telling myself, “You’re 21, you’re supposed to be independent by now! Get it together.” Constant comparison to those I saw on social media and the ticking societal time bomb kept reminding me that I’m behind. The constant reminders and pressure got so bad that I’d have breakdowns over how my future was starting to look bleak with no prospects to look forward to. None of my dreams or goals would come to fruition. I was now the loser portrayed on social media and TV.

Of course, it wasn’t without trying. I had applied for internships and jobs, but nothing came through. The “no’s” were starting to pile up, and hope was starting to dwindle. The area I live in also didn’t help with its constant competition, network comparison, and livelihoods determining worth. I told myself this would be the last year I would apply for job programs before I give up and get lost in the matrix. 

The only thing giving me hope during these breakdowns and bouts of hopelessness was books. To fill my time, I started a Bookstagram account. I’m passionate about reading and literacy, so I told myself, “Why not?” Books became my outlet, a way to occupy my time of feeling like a useless freeloader. The posting and designing were fun, but the reading is where I’d drown myself. I didn’t focus on popular books; instead, I focused on my local library and the gems hiding on those shelves.

I’ll never forget reading a book called The Littlest Library by Poppy Alexander. It was the first book I felt connected to. The main character, Jess, decided there was a need for change after being let go from her job as a librarian and losing her grandmother. She didn’t want to part from the house she grew up in but took a leap of faith and bought a house in a quaint village. It wasn’t ideal, but she made it work and became comfortable doing what she loves: guiding people to books that would help or heal them.

Jess’s personality felt so similar to mine. She was quiet and undervalued herself. Although she had obstacles, from finances to job seeking, she found hope again. She connected to community members and built a community with her telephone booth library. I read many books with a similar premise during this time, and I can honestly say this time is a blur for me. It was refreshing to see these different characters share similarities with my experiences, circumstances, and personality. They weren’t superheroes, just ordinary people living ordinary lives similar to mine. 

The Crescent Moon Tearoom by Stacy Sivinski follows three sisters finding their paths with a bit of help from Fate. I felt connected to Beatrix, the writer. She was quiet and hid her talent for writing. Compliments were not easily accepted. However, she stepped out of her comfort zone and submitted her manuscript to a well-known publishing house. Throughout the book, she found her voice and trusted her decisions. Beatrix’s story helped me realize I wouldn’t stay stuck forever. The magical realism helped remind me of the beauty in the mundane. I just needed to be patient. Just because there were setbacks in this period of my life didn’t mean I wouldn’t get to flourish. 

Reading these books showed me that I didn’t have to stick to expectations and the imposed societal timeline. The book community helped me have a sense of purpose again. Some books helped me escape the matrix; other books reminded me that others are going through a similar experience. I was allowed to escape from reality, and I came back to prove it wrong. I’m no longer the exaggerated loser, just a semi-former loser.