Something that is constantly on Carmen “Carmy” Berzatto’s head is time. Inside the kitchen of Chef Terry’s high-end restaurant, a sign hangs under a digital clock reminding the staff, “EVERY SECOND COUNTS.” There is no punctuation, only capitalized Helvetica font. This message carries on at Carmy’s sandwich shop-turned-fine-cuisine restaurant. The Bear is a high-pressure work environment that expects and demands the staff to embrace this philosophy. Everybody is making proactive decisions to begin their lives again. From studying under a chef in a different country to shadowing staff at a fine-dining establishment to attending culinary school. So much is at stake for Carmy and others.

Shot and edited with cutting sharpness and unflinching wit, The Bear follows Carmy and his kitchen staff’s efforts and progress to a newer, “better” version of themselves. While the first two seasons delivered an exposition of the characters’ messy lives and restaurant culture, the third season questions the better versions they’ve become. Chef Terry closed Ever. Sydney had a panic attack. Carmy opened his phone to several missed calls from Cicero, Computer, and the Chicago Tribune. The Bear is not doing well. 

Perhaps the promise and hope for The Bear’s success is a wish to make up for lost time. Time spent away from family, especially Mikey, and time wasted on pushing and rushing oneself. Needless to say, in that world, nobody is more stressed than Carmy. You would never tell him to make his menu a QR code. 

While I have never been as stressed as Carmy (and I am grateful for that), I do find myself worrying a lot about how I spend my free time and what that time is like when it is shared. There are movies to go to, lunches to have, concerts to attend, and people to meet. Because every second counts, I don’t want to waste any of it. Yes, time flies when you’re having fun. Still, after spending a wonderful time with loving company, why do I feel like I’m missing something? 

When class is done and work is over, what’s left? And what after that? Why do I feel as though I have to make the most of everything, even in my spare time? While the easy answer could be something in my head, I also wonder about the external factors that contribute to this sense of panic and stress. 

For starters, there are all those quotes and idioms about time, productivity, and work. Time is of the essence, time is money, timing is everything, etc. On the one hand, these are mantras and affirmations that can motivate you to work harder, do the best you can, and give it your all. You have to work against the clock. There is no time better than now. Do it while you still can. Every second counts. On the other hand, it’s quotes like these that cause us stress. Quotes in which your time is used against you. Quotes like these affect how you interact with the people around you.

We have become increasingly aware of how a part of our lives has been taken up by our phones. Every social media app proposes itself as another platform allowing us to feel more connected to each other. The access we have to each other is immediate, yet we are expected to move on to the next big thing in our lives. 

Short-form videos, timed BeReals, or voice memos that can be sped up are a few examples. There are even preset emojis you can select to react to a message. Social media has set a running timer on us, and it makes me question if the developers and designers behind these apps view how we interact with each other as something to get out of the way.

I realize this is a pessimistic view on social media. I am not above these online behaviors. There is no denying the convenience of social media in lessening the distance between us and our friends. To be one click or tap away from each other is special.

Still, the desire to see each other, especially in person, is enormous. If we can, why don’t we? Time is fleeting. We long to share time and space with each other. We yearn for it. Yet by the time it happens, I expect that it has to be the best time ever. I expect myself to make up for the lost time, the days and seconds lost and missed between us.

There’s also a matter of punctuality. I love punctuality. Punctuality shows me that you want to be here. Time together is precious. We made time out of our busy lives and packed planners. I want to be with you for as long as possible. How can we talk about everything that’s happened to us in an hour or two? Of course, something always comes up, and we are held back from meeting on time. It frustrates me that things happen out of our control and our time together lessens. I don’t want to be late. I don’t want to keep people waiting on me. 

Five, ten apologies later, a friend tells me, “I’m just happy to be here with you.” In a matter of seconds, something clicks and I realize it’s okay. I should and need to give myself some grace. Because, once again, things happen out of our control. We deserve to extend compassion to ourselves. Another friend tells me, “There’s always time to be together.” Every chance we get to be together will be worth the wait. All our laughter that fills the air and endless chatter is a reminder that every second counts because we choose to be in each other’s lives. There is no rush because we will always have something to share. 

In that case, to address one’s tardiness, self-awareness is a must. The first step is always self-awareness. However, I think the step some folks tend to forget, though, is accountability. We have to hold ourselves accountable and make a more intentional effort to be present with the person sitting across from us. We go to work on time because we have to. Shouldn’t this sense of obligation be extended to our family and loved ones as well? At the same time, friendship shouldn’t have to be an obligation. Or does it? (How we understand, navigate, and value friendship might be a different article altogether.)

Writing this article, I realize I don’t have a concrete answer to strike the balance between punctuality and friendship. I will always apologize for falling behind and being late. (This even happened while writing this article.) I’m slowly learning that being too hard on myself over a couple of seconds or minutes is not worth it. I still have the rest of my life to spend time with people I admire and cherish. There is no rush, especially when it comes to the people I love. I will always make time for them. Every second counts by virtue of our being together. The fact that we can do so is something to always look forward to and hope for. 

Although nobody should be making a habit of being late. Time is now. Be here already! While there is no rush, I want to be with you as soon as possible. Life does not wait. After the trailers, the movie will begin. Some venues expect concerts to stick to a schedule. There’s a reason why you have to make restaurant reservations ahead of time. Nobody can wait forever.

I am hopeful for Carmy. In the season 4 trailer, he is seen rushing down the stairs, sprinting into the streets to something within reach. Tina shares, “I can feel you chasing something. But you ain’t got nothing to prove.” Perhaps her observation and truth are something for us viewers to embrace ourselves, not just for Carmy’s sake. There is no need to rush and ruminate and shame ourselves over the seconds we’re losing or have lost with our loved ones. The evidence of our companionship is seen in us sharing a space and being together at the same time.