Deconstructing the Default Character
Curating Your True Self.
If you appear as a pre-generated avatar in a game, are you pressing play, or are you customizing yourself?
No one likes playing the default character (unless it takes place in the TS2 universe), so why are you living your life like one?
Growing up as an avid Sims player, I spent hours creating my Sims. I spent hours crafting their personalities, styles, and ambitions but I struggled to make those decisions in my life—decisions on whether I wanted to change my hairstyle, whether I wanted to move out of the state, or pursue a music career. With every big decision I tried to make, I let my brain imagine what everyone would think. Due to comfort and familiarity, I settled on being a person I no longer wanted to be.
I became the default character.
What is the default character?
We all start as the default character. During childhood to early adulthood, our decisions may have been guided by a parent or a guardian. If you grew up in a household like mine, it was understood that the adults had the final say.
Being the default character means you live life allowing outside influences to outweigh your personal judgment. It is a person who does not decide for themselves but lets others decide for them.
Like in The Sims, there are base game characters whose personalities, character traits, and ambitions have been pre-selected. They exist for the game, and if you play them, they respond to the world based on the characteristics and motives given to them.
In the real world, being a default character is not practical. Life is filled with many choices, and decisions that you have to make. Allowing others to determine your next step could lead you to make a decision that you do not want to make.
For example, you have the opportunity to take on a new job, but you have to relocate. You have always lived close to home, but there aren't many job opportunities for your career in the area. Instead of weighing the pros and cons on your own, you decide to ask others whether you should move. You receive a few negative responses, and you decide to stay in your hometown. Instead of deciding for yourself, you allow others to dictate your ultimate decision.
Default to Main Character
To deconstruct the default character and transform it into the main character, you need to accept that you are capable of change. You are a living being and do not have to remain stagnant. You no longer have to operate in a way that is digestible to others. The perk of being an adult is that you get to make the decisions (as hard as they may be).
Decision-making becomes easier when you know yourself. While knowing yourself is a process, being aware of your basic principles (likes, dislikes, needs, and wants) makes the process less stressful.
Analyzing your upbringing can also help you understand why you validate others' opinions over yours. Maybe there was a moment, or multiple moments as a child where you felt like your decisions weren’t good enough. Exploring those memories can identify where this mindset stems from and how that moment may have made you hesitant to make decisions.
As you go on your journey from default to the main character here are five things to remember:
#1 Invest in yourself
When no one else is around, who are you? Devote free time to figuring yourself out, and build a relationship with yourself. When you make yourself your main priority, you learn that everyone’s opinion is just that, their opinion.
#2 Trust your judgment
You are the decision-maker, and you do not need permission from others. Refrain from asking for outside opinions on situations that matter to you.. Trust that you are making the best decision for yourself.
#3 Do what you say
When you do what you say, you become who you want to be. Start that new hobby, move to that new city, and change your career path. Speaking about your goals may feel good, but accomplishing them is a greater form of satisfaction.
#4 Stand firm on your values
Your beliefs are yours. You don't have to explain why you do what you do. You can still respect others, without lowering your core values.
#5 Be patient in becoming you
Making decisions means you get a chance to learn from them. With every lesson, you become closer and closer to being you. Be gentle with yourself, and know that within time your decisions will lead to a better you.
So if by chance you happen to get sucked into a gaming realm, you are a character you find worth playing.
