Play the Game, Make the Rules

Without dwelling on the past, I often reflect on my life’s journey and trace a fine line back to where I currently am. At nearly 22, I am surrounded by the ideas of what success is, and although we all try to avoid it, it’s easy to compare ourselves to people we feel meet our standards of success.

We can’t control people, which—while it may seem like common sense—was a lesson I learned the hard way at 20. We’ve all heard it—that lingering piece of advice people love to give when life treats us roughly: "Worry only about what you can control.” Let’s face it though, it’s easier said than done.

When I say I live life by playing the game and making the rules, I don’t mean to suggest it was something I instantly understood or fully embraced from the start. Learning that you can be a part of social interactions—whether in friendships, relationships, or whatever else—while still holding control over your actions changed my life completely for the better. My journey to adopting this ‘playing the game and making the rules’ mentality began the summer after I graduated with my bachelor's degree, and that shift in mindset has made all the difference.

Source unknown

In January, at the start of the 2023 spring semester, I was filled with excitement. It was the season of trying new things. I had started dating again, moved across the country, and found myself making new friends in my temporary city. With each step, I felt myself becoming more independent and confident. But as May approached, I was happy that I would be going back to familiar comforts—graduating, reuniting with my family and friends, and going back to my good job—all while having a happy relationship.

However, I didn’t end the spring semester like that. By the time I landed back home, everything had unraveled. I was dumped for someone else, my job was gone, and with my diploma in hand, the future felt more uncertain than ever. The summer wasn’t much better; I found myself grieving in unhealthy ways. The independence I developed by living alone made me realize I was attached to a routine I had created. When I realized this, I knew I needed to chase that feeling again. So, I left California and spent a month in Europe, chasing that sense of freedom again. There, I built friendships that taught me how much larger my world was than the issues I had been presented with. I felt comfort in sharing my life stories and learning more about different cultures and worlds I had never been exposed to, all while doing what I love.

My Time In Europe

Big Ben in London

Moving across states and countries made me realize just how much control I truly had over my life and diminished my worries about people and things. When I permanently relocated back home, I got to work on myself. I found a job that I love, cut out people who weren’t helping me grow, started grad school, and refused to let anyone treat me like I had been treated that spring. I was no longer going to be pushed around, and I was setting my own rules for success and happy living.

My Time In Europe

One of the most important lessons I learned about making the rules is that it’s important to hold yourself accountable to those rules. It’s not easy to go on and live life doing whatever you want without worrying about what others think, but often you have to remind yourself that, like you, everyone else is also worrying about what people think of them. Some days, it’s hard, and I feel guilty for prioritizing myself. But then I remember myself that one summer, lost in life and consumed by unhealthy resentment. I can’t help but find it necessary to think only of myself; after all, we can only control ourselves.

Here's a curated playlist of tracks that helped shape my mindset during this journey: