Beyond the Diploma: Navigating Distance, Loneliness, and the Quest for Community
Throughout my four years in college, I found myself repeatedly posing a question to a close friend of mine who has an older sister: “How did your sister make friends after college?" Without fail, her response was always, "She has her friends from college and then some friends from high school.” The curiosity that fueled my never-ending question stemmed from a fascination with the concept of friendships after college and the formation of what a post-grad community looked like.
Why was I so intrigued, you might wonder? 18 years of our lives are often spent within the confines of education. From kindergarten through elementary school, middle school, high school, and then college, these are the grounds where friendships and communities naturally evolve. While some may also find friendship through extracurricular activities or their place of worship, the majority of our friendships are woven into the fabric of our educational journey. My mom is still best friends with people she met during her university years in Nigeria as a teenager; these are friendships she has maintained for over four decades. As a freshman in 2018/19, having just returned to the US for college after not living here since the age of 9, I grappled with the question of what life would be like once I graduated—no longer tethered to the familiar environment of educational institutions where friendships were easily cultivated.
While attending Syracuse University, I found myself surrounded by students not only from all over the US but also from all over the world. As someone who attended sixth form in England, where I completed the IB Diploma and also held American citizenship, I found myself unwillingly straddling the line between being a domestic and international student. My childhood was marked by constant movement, having lived in three countries—Nigeria, America, and England—and attended 11 schools by age 18, including Syracuse University. While the prospect of moving around so much and making friends seems quite intimidating, especially as a child, my experience was quite the opposite. Despite spending brief periods, some as little as four months, I never had an issue forming those strong bonds with a tight-knit group of friends. Making friends was never an issue for me, but my social sphere had mainly been confined to school and church; anything outside those realms remained unexplored.
The revelation from my friend that her older sister maintained most of her friendships from college and high school, unbeknownst to me, triggered a sense of unease within me. Not only did the majority of students at Syracuse University live on the East Coast, including most of my friends, but there’s also the added complexity of the physical distance between my secondary school and sixth form friends who still live in England.
After graduating from college, the uneasiness that lingered throughout college was brought to light. Currently living in California with my family, the geographical distance, specifically from Los Angeles, creates another degree of separation from not only a handful of friends who moved to Southern California post-Syracuse graduation but also an environment where I’d potentially be able to meet more people and build my post-grad community. The stark contrast from having friends within a short walk or bus ride away to now being thousands of miles away was not something I anticipated to have such a profound impact on me. After four years of creating shared memories and camaraderie, graduation dispersed us and forced us to navigate our own paths, which felt strange.
Towards the end of last year, in November, I decided to go on a two-week trip to New York and New Jersey to visit some friends from college. The experience turned out to be the highlight of my entire year, and I dreaded the days when my flight to return to California was getting closer. Every day of those two weeks was filled with moments that had me uttering, “I can’t believe I’m here,” probably a few too many times. Whether it was the six-hour-long FaceTime calls that had become a substitute for in-person interaction or the occasional texts exchanged every week or so, meeting my friends face-to-face after more than a year since graduating was an incredibly surreal experience. The joy of being in their physical presence and getting to see what their lives now looked like living in NYC and New Jersey surpassed the intermittent virtual connections we maintained. New York City is a hub for post-grad pursuits for Cuse students who aren’t NYC natives, which meant I couldn’t visit everyone that I would have loved to see, turning my visit into a reunion that was both heartwarming and bittersweet.
Seventy-three percent of Gen-Zers report feeling lonely sometimes or always. After speaking with friends and noticing the abundance of TikTok videos of recent graduates, it became apparent that many experience post-grad loneliness and crave a sense of community. As humans, we’re not made to navigate this ever-changing landscape by ourselves. The necessity for connection has never been more apparent. Taking the time to reach out to friends or plan visits becomes not just a gesture but a necessity. Amidst the chaos, it’s essential to surround oneself with people who provide companionship and also rejuvenate the soul.
